She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't turn off my feet"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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