Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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