He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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