Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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