i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
