my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
