i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
