Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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