he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
