Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
