dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
