I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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