The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
