I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
