Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
