Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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