i permit you to call me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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