i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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