I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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