Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
