Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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