it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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