you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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