I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
