Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
