I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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