Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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