Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
