How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
