you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it because I queefed?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
