i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
