Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
