"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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