How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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