HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
