I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Four minutes until I can fart!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize