are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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