My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
