Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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