the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
