I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
