Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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