Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
