We're facebook friends in real life
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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