omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
