yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
