I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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