somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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