Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
