i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
