was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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